Don't Let Them Near Your Kids - Worst Athlete Babysitters

Like watching it grow...

The week between Conference Championships and the Super Bowl.  Time to spend with your family, get at that "honey, do" list, clean the house, catch up on bills... fuck.  Don't go there, boys.  Logical Betting has a way better idea for you.  Practice this speech:

Lock of the week.

"Sweetheart, you are the best wife/girlfriend on the planet.  Seriously, you're a perfect mother and (insert name) is so lucky to have you in their life.  I don't know what our family would do without you.  What do you say you let me take you out this weekend and show you how much I appreciate everything you do for our family?  I promise I'll take care of everything next weekend "

And you will might... maybe the Saturday before the Super Bowl.  It's at your discretion.  My advice?  Drink too much Friday night, struggle through Saturday, rally for Super Bowl, suck it up for Valentine's Day, and get at that list the 3rd weekend in February.  For you married folk, remember... she can't break up with you for something like that, and she can't probably won't stay mad forever.

By now, you're probably saying, "but LB, babysitters are expensive, and really, who can you trust with your kids these days?  What if she's afraid of hiring a bad babysitter?"  That's why Logical Betting is here to screen out the 10 Worst Athlete Babysitters you could possibly hire.  Feel free to comment, email, and tweet additions to this one, we had some fun with this.  Here ya go, in no particular order:

1.  Andy Reid - First, didn't do such a great job with his own kids.  Also, terrible clock management = no way kids are in bed when you get home. Plus, he’s always out of time outs. Crucial if you have kids ages 3-10.

So close... so cheated.

2.  Chris Webber - Gives kids too many time outs. Motherfu...

3.  LeBron James - Would suddenly disappear 3/4 of the way through the job.  Cha-ching!  Thank you!!!

4.  John Daly - Aside from the chain smoking, your kids would be starving because he’d eat all the food in the house. On the plus side, he’s a great example to keep your kids from drinking at an early age.

5.  Manny Ramirez - Don’t let him give your kids their vitamins.  Also, after asking kids how it went, gotta fear any story that ends with "it was just Manny being Manny!"

6.  Any Flyers goalie since Ron Hextall (tie) - Get paid a lot of money to just sit there. Plus, they’re all changing constantly, and we know how important consistency is to the kids.  Probably won't survive the third game they play with the kids.

7.  Shawn Kemp - Definitely going to be calling his girlfriends over and forgetting your kids names.  You might have a few more kids when you get home than when you left.  On the flip side, he has a lot of experience.

8.  Carlos Zambrano - God forbid the kids frustrate him even a little. Your house would be in pieces when you got home. Your toddler is more mature than he is.

9.  Tiger Woods - It's not good when you can easily set the odds around 3-1 that he's passed out in an Ambien-induced coma when you get home, and the over/under is 2.5 for the number of porn stars he brings over (LB bets the over).  Plus, there's no way you can let him drive the kids anywhere. 

Previewing my Super Bowl pick



10.  Tim Tebow - Wait, wait, Lord, let me explain!  By the time you got home, the kids would love this dude so much that you'd hear nothing but, "that's not what Mr. Tebow said!  Mr. Tebow wouldn't do that!  I want Mr. Tebow to by my daddy!"  If you weren't sick of hearing about him now, you would be soon.  That, and Mother Teresa tells me if I don't work him into a post soon, I'm not getting into heaven.

Side Note - My wife says I'm a Tebow hater.  I'm not, I just think he's way overhyped, not very good, and the product of a good defensive team.  Heard a local sports talk show suggest the reason he's so big is that, in light of all the negative stories in sports recently (especially one out of a school that rhymes with Fenn Mate), people need a feel good story in sports, and Tebow is perfect for it.  I think there's a lot to that.  And, well, I am a bit of a Tebow hater, she's right.  Not what he does personally, just the professional hype.

There's my non-exhaustive list.  Hit me with your ideas.  This topic was the brainchild of a reader a little more witty than myself.  Comment here, or contact Logical Betting at logicalbetting@gmail.com and twitter.com/logicalbetting, where we tweet out random sports picks that don't make the blog.  Read the rules of Logical Betting here, and cash in play at your own risk.